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Works of Love XVII: “The Second Battle of Love—Reconciliation”

[From Part II, Chapter VIII: “The Victory of Reconciliation in Love Which Wins the Vanquished”]

“[B]e reconciled to your brother...”~ Ephesians 5:24 (ESV)

There is certainly honor in fighting for righteousness. No matter your conception of what is right, no matter your scruples of how one ought to fight for what is right, we all find honor in standing up against evil, injustice, cruelty, and oppression. And yet, according to Kierkegaard, to fight against evil is only the first battle. Christian love involves two battles: first, to oppose and defeat the enemy, and second, to be reconciled with the enemy. After all, Christ has famously said, and we have previous discussed, that we ought to love our enemies. That means that, even when we find it necessary to oppose and fight our enemies, they are still the rightful objects of our love. And to love them requires that we fight to be reconciled with them.

Now, it is important to understand that, for Kierkegaard, forgiveness is different from reconciliation. He explains,
“To battle with the help of the good against the enemy—this is laudable and noble; but to battle for the enemy—and against whom?—against oneself, if you will: this is, yes, this is loving or this is reconciliation in love! This is the way reconciliation is presented Holy Scriptures. The words read, ‘So if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember’—yes, now what should one expect would and must follow, most likely that you have something against someone? But it does not continue this way. It reads, and if you ‘there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go: first to be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.’ But is this not too much to demand? Who is it, then, who needs forgiveness, the one who did wrong or the one who suffered wrong? Certainly he who did wrong is the one who needs forgiveness. But, O, the lover who suffered wrong needs to forgive or needs restoration, reconciliation, words which do not like forgiveness make a distinction by remembering right or wrong but in love note that both stand in need.”[1]
It is possible to forgive without reconciliation. If I have been wronged, I can forgive by giving up my grievance against a person, even if I never see that person again. I can even forgive someone who does not want to be forgiven, or who does not feel a need to be forgiven. But in these cases I have not reconciled. Reconciliation requires a repairing or a relationship, and it requires the participation of both parties. As Christians we are to genuinely seek—Kierkegaard says we are to “battle for”—reconciliation.

But, you may be saying to yourself, what if the other person does not want to be reconciled? This is why Kierkegaard uses the verb “battle for”: because, once we have finished the fight to defeat the evil of our enemy, we must initiate a new struggle for reconciliation:

“‘To battle for forgiveness’—who does no immediately understand this as battling to get forgiveness?—alas, for humanly speaking this is often difficult enough. And yet this is not at all what we are talking about; we speak here about battling in love so that the other will accept forgiveness, will permit himself to be reconciled. Is not this like Christianity? It is indeed God in heaven who through the apostle says, ‘Be reconciled’ [2 Cor. 5:20]; it is not man who says to God, ‘Forgive us.’ No, God loved us first; and again it was God who came first a second time, since it had nothing to do with reconciliation—although from the standpoint of justice he certainly was the one who could well have waited. It is the same relationship with man and man: there is a true reconciliation when a person who does not, this is important to not, does not need the forgiveness is the one who offers reconciliation.”[2]
When right is challenged by wrong, good by evil, we must stand up and oppose it. When right has won over wrong—when we have overcome evil with good—we must seek out reconciliation. As Christians we cannot say that it is their job to reconcile to us; we are to seek reconciliation ourselves, because love wants reconciliation and we are commanded to love our enemies. We must be gracious in our victory and sincere in our battle to reconcile. I win when my enemy is defeated. Love wins when my enemy is no longer my enemy, but my brother. As Christians we must seek the victory of love, not ourselves.

Dear Father,
I like to win. I like to defeat my enemies. And yet you tell us that we are to defeat our enemies by making them into brothers. Give me a heart to reconcile. Give me the strength to fight the battle for good, and then the second battle for reconciliation. Give me a heart that forgives, loves, and seeks out my enemy. Give me a heart like yours.
In Jesus’ name, who sought me while I was an enemy and reconciled me to God,
Amen.




[1] Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love. Harper Perennial, 2009, p. 309-10.
[2] Ibid. 
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